Friday Playdate » Blog Archive » put some damn sunscreen on already

Many years ago, when he was a much younger man, my husband spent a summer working in an oil field here in Oklahoma. Those of you who have actually met Wade will find that appropriately hysterical, but it gets better: Because he was a College Boy and not a roughneck, his job apparently consisted primarily of throwing rocks at a herd of cows to keep them from drinking out of a contaminated pond. And doing some painting, too, I guess.

(Also he lived, for a week, in a motor home, but then he and his friend decided that they weren’t cut out for motor home living and relocated to a Motel 6. College Boys. Sheesh.)

Wade spent most of that summer covered in oil; he would bathe in turpentine to get it off his skin. And then go out in the sun, where he was burned to a blistered crisp for twelve consecutive weeks.

You can guess where this is going, can’t you?

Wade goes regularly to the dermatologist, just to have things checked out. He’s had a bunch of moles removed over the last fifteen years. Maybe ten years ago, he had two spots removed, one on his abdomen and one on his back; both required stitches (seven in one incision, five in the other, I think). He still likes to show the kids the scars and tell them that they are from where he was run through in a sword fight. The kids are pretty sure he’s kidding.

A couple of weeks ago, he went in for a regularly scheduled Mole Check and the dermatologist saw a spot right between Wade’s shoulder blades that he didn’t really like, so he sliced it off. Just like that! And then I had to attend to the band aid for a week. Eew.

Of course — OF COURSE! — that was not the end of it. The pathologist didn’t like what he saw (avoiding the joke about how he was looking at a big flap of my husband’s skin and EEEW) and the dermatologist decided that he needed to have another procedure.

Aside: The dermatologist called and left Wade the NICEST message ever, about how he shouldn’t worry and the procedure would be really simple but he might not want to plan to play golf or go to the batting cages for a few days afterward, two things Wade never done in his ENTIRE LIFE. I thought it was sweet, but Wade thinks I have a crush on our dermatologist (which I just might because he is kind of cute, and thanks to him my skin has never looked better).

Wade had his procedure today; he called me on his way back to the office and when I said, “How did it go?” he said, “Well, the surgery took two hours, and I have twenty stitches in my back — five subcutaneous, and fifteen more at the surface.”

WHOA.

The cute dermatologist sent him on his way with instructions for cleaning the incision (which apparently I will be doing EEW) and a prescription for Vicodin. When I complained that no one ever sends me home with Vicodin, Wade said, “I have TWENTY STITCHES IN MY BACK.”

“I gave birth to your CHILDREN and came home with ibuprofen,” I reminded him.

And he said, “TWENTY STITCHES.”

Eh, he’s got a point.

14 Comments so far

LOL - i love the wade stories as of late. and i have to say you write the best titles to go along with your posts.

20 stitches so does not equal childbirth. Give him 24 hours, and then tell him to suck it up.

Sorry, childbirth trumps stitches any day of the week! I go to the dermatologist for a skin check every year. It’s so easily treated if caught early but many people don’t get screened which boggles my mind.

Whoa indeed. I’ve had lots of icky skin goodies removed, and some stitches, but nothing like that. Although, I think I might need a new derm. One who’s cute and doesn’t say (over and over), “WOW, you have a lot of moles. Are you aware that you’re really high risk for melanoma?” Of COURSE I know, since you’ve told me 10 times a year for the last 8 years. THANK YOU.

I agree. Childbirth twice trumps twenty stitches. Sorry, dude.

Ohhh… skin cancer skeers me. I spent too many summers lifeguarding, slathered with BABY OIL, waiting for the day when my white Irish skin turned brown. Which it never did unless you count all the freckles getting so close together you can hardly see the white.

My dermo is a woman with flawless skin who tries not to visibly shudder when she sees my wall-to-wall freckles. Maybe I need a cute male dr. since I’m there so much. (Although WHOA those exams are thorough! She has seen more of me than my ob/gyn.)

Speaking of which, childbirth definitely trumps 20 stitches, but you get to come home with a cute baby. Maybe that’s supposed to make up for no vicodin? Hurumph.

Hoping for clear margins!

Wow - hope your husband’s wound heals nice and cleanly for you so you don’t have to face more yuk!

Can you trump him with “down there” stitches post childbirth? One of them is equal to 5 stitches on any other part of the body, for sure.

I saw the horribly hooked needle they were going to do mine with too and am crossing my legs as I type as a result.

Ya, I say whatever to Wade, too. They stapled me up after a c-section and I still got sent home with no vicodin. In fact my doc forgot to give me a prescription for anything. On the weekend. Women are so much tougher.

I hope the results turn out okay! Keep us posted!

Not to trump your poor hubby, I bet it really hurts, but I gave birth to two kids, both times needed stitches and both times went home to only ibuprofen.

First of all, what about childbirth AND stitches? That’s what I went home with. BUT, bonus!! I also went home with an Rx for Vicodin. And boy did I use it. New medical providers all around.

I’m sorry, childbirth trumps 20 stitches, unless something over 9 pounds was removed from a 1cm incision.

My FIL keeps getting vicodin for the most minor surguries. Remove a cyst, get VICODIN? I’m sorry, it makes me bitter that with three labour/deliveries (28lbs of children accumulatively) I’ve never had anything stronger than ibuprofen.

Bless your husbands heart, I know those incisions hurt and then ache. I get moles, etc. removed with eerie frequency.

I hear my friends say this all the time, “I had the babies”, and “you’re not sick, get up”. I have had 10 lb. babies naturally, yet I also want to have compassion on my husband. Its so not one of my strengths.

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I certainly hope you will post the pathology report as I will be thinking about it.

(Youngest was born with a mole that we watched for years. YEARS. A couple of years ago the pediatrician said she was no longer happy with it. The dermatologist said she wasn’t happy with it. The plastic surgeon was disappointed it was in tough spot, the middle of his chest. 48 stitches later? It was nothing but a huge scar.

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