I have completely given up parenting. Seriously, I am so exhausted from various work-related mayhem (which I’m not discussing here thanks, although I might later so STAY TUNED) that I have just GIVEN UP. The end! No more parenting!
My kids are thrilled.
That’s only half true, of course — I was a good mother for most of today. I took Charlie to the eye doctor after school, where he had his eyes dilated, causing him to spend the rest of the day wearing crazy assed plastic sunglass things that made him look like Ben Affleck in Daredevil. Then we stopped at Panera for cookies because why not! I hadn’t left the house all day, after all, and since I was showered and dressed and wearing a necklace for god’s sake I figured we might as well go SOMEWHERE.
But after that I was all done being the mom.
We came home and the boys played football outside until their football got caught in a tree and there was An Incident where they were trying to BREAK THE LIMB OFF THE TREE to get their damn Nerf football down and I lost it and sent them to their rooms. And then I gave up and we ordered some Pay-Per-View Scooby Doo episodes and made Wade go get us a pizza.
Good parenting, right there.
Right now I’m sharing the sofa with a huge load of clean laundry that I’m just too laaaaazy to fold because I HAVE GIVEN UP. Seriously.
But before I gave up, I pulled myself together for long enough to write about what it was like to go to Butterball’s Turkey University. Because how often do you get to say, “Oh I went to Turkey University” in casual conversation? Not often enough, I’ll tell you what.
Go. Read. See how I cooked a turkey AND paired leopard flats with plaid pants. It was a big day, you all.
I’ll just be here snuggling with the laundry.
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Well, I have a fight song for you being an alumnus of Temple Univ. T–for Turkey U. … University –baste baste baste for the very best taste for the very best taste you must baste…. It’s late, I’m punchy. Please tell me they didn’t *actually* have a Turkey U. theme song.
It’s been one of those days here too.
By HeatherK on 11.07.08 10:29 pm | Permalink
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I had laundry on my couch (with which I TOTALLY snuggled) for most of this week. And I don’t even have kids. Although I do have dogs, who I had to feed cereal one morning because I was out of dog food. Who’s lazy?
By Kristen on 11.07.08 10:59 pm | Permalink
Hey, *I* was at Panera Bread today, also! (I assume you mean the one across from the hospital?)
Now, that’s pretty stalker-ish of me to tell you that, isn’t it.
By Kristie on 11.08.08 6:55 am | Permalink
Well, actually I mean “yesterday” because today is already today and OBVIOUSLY I haven’t been there today if I’m sitting here in my pajamas reading about your laundry.
You know what? Never mind.
By Kristie on 11.08.08 6:57 am | Permalink
Glad you mentioned the laundry…Now that I think about it, I have some on my dining room buffet that I folded, uhm, four days ago. I forgot about it.
By Johna on 11.08.08 8:32 pm | Permalink
Wait, you can GIVE UP? Someone forgot to tell me this vital piece of information. I could have used it EVERY DAY SINCE MY CHILDREN WERE BORN.
By A. Berkoski on 11.08.08 9:30 pm | Permalink
I just want to say that I would have done exactly the same thing. I’m referring to all of it.
By Shannon on 11.09.08 8:42 am | Permalink
Benign neglect is the best kind of parenting there is. You go, girl!
And I’ve been cooking a turkey without the benefit of any higher education or certification in the field. Am I missing something?
By suburbancorrespondent on 11.09.08 7:05 pm | Permalink
I have had this day. Often. And my third? He is almost four. And entirely self-raised. Seems to be doing OK, but I may not be objective.
By CatrinkaS on 11.10.08 3:42 am | Permalink
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