This is the first year that I have not been able to get any kind of purchase from telling the boys that SANTA IS WATCHING YOU! In the past, a quiet reminder that Santa had his eye on them was enough to stop even the worst behavior, but this year it’s not working.
In fact, I have been reduced to telling the kids that I have Santa’s phone number, and threatening to CALL HIM RIGHT NOW and let him know that they are jumping off the bed AGAIN.
I picked a bad year to tell that story, though, because both kids have recently discovered the joys of the telephone (although because they are BOYS they still only want to talk for ninety seconds, at best). Henry is forever asking if he can call Daddy’s cell phone, which is fine on a weekend when Wade is out running random errands and the conversations go like this . . .
Henry: Hi, Dad, where are you? Jamba Juice? What are you getting? Is it a large or a small? Okay, bye. [redials] Hi, Dad, where are you now? Still at Jamba Juice? Where are you going next? Okay, bye. [redials] Hi, Dad, where are you NOW? In the parking lot? What parking lot? At Jamba Juice? Okay, bye. [redials] Hi, Dad, are you still in the parking lot? You’re in the car? In YOUR car or MOM’S car? What? Okay. MOM! DAD WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! I think you’re in trouble.
I try to discourage calling Daddy at work. For obvious reasons.
Charlie is better on the phone, if only because he’s less interested.
Me: Charlie, do you want to say hi to Nana?
Charlie: Sure!
Nana: Hi, Charlie!
Charlie: Hi, Nana! Gotta go!
And he runs away.
But! Santa Claus! So one day recently I was stupid and decided that it would be FUN to take the boys WITH ME to the grocery, AFTER SCHOOL. It was not fun. It was SO Not Fun that finally, somewhere in Frozen Food, I announced, “I have Santa’s phone number and if you do not GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW I am going to CALL HIM and tell him NO CHRISTMAS FOR YOU TWO!”
Which lead to the following conversation:
Henry: Do you really have Santa’s phone number?
Me: Yes.
Henry: Do you REALLY?
Me: YES.
Charlie: What is it?
Me: I’m not allowed to tell you.
Henry: Charlie, it’s probably programmed in her cell phone. That’s where everyone’s numbers are.
Me: No, it isn’t.
Charlie: Then where IS it?
Me: In my head.
Henry: Really?
Me: Yes.
Henry: No, REALLY???
Me: YES!
Charlie: What is it?
Me: I’m not allowed to tell.
Henry: How did you GET Santa’s number?
Me: When I brought you home from the hospital, the nurses gave it to me. Every new baby comes with Santa’s phone number.
Charlie: Did I?
Me: Yes, they gave it to me again when you were born.
Charlie: So what is it?
Me: I can’t tell you.
Henry: Wait, wait. What about babies who are . . . what’s that word? When they get a different mommy and daddy?
Me: Adopted?
Henry: Yeah. What about babies who are adopted?
Me: The parents who take the baby home still get the number.
Henry: The mommy?
Me: Usually, but sometimes the daddy.
Charlie: Does OUR Daddy have Santa’s number?
Me: No.
Charlie: Oh. What IS Santa’s number?
Me: I can’t tell you.
Henry: Are you telling a tale?
I think what tipped Henry off is my assertion that I have Santa’s number stored in my head. Because in the end, that’s the part of the story that is the least believable.
18 Comments so far
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My kids wouldn’t believe I could remember anything either
By Plain Jane Mom on 12.12.06 11:04 am | Permalink
You know, you have my phone number. I can play a pretty good santa, if needed.
Currently, I’m begging for a little girl to be good so Moe Doodlebop will make a call.
By sarcastic journalist on 12.12.06 1:09 pm | Permalink
I love that conversation. I seriously think my two boys would have the same reaction… yet, I will use that line! I’ll try anything in times of utter frustration.
Will let you know if I get the same reaction.
By Anne D on 12.12.06 1:11 pm | Permalink
That was hilarious. The nurses give out the phone number with the babies. I’ll have to remember that one.
By julia on 12.12.06 1:57 pm | Permalink
Your one fatal mistake. That one would never fly in my house either. Mom? Remember a phone number? With digits in it? Not so much.
By The Daring One on 12.12.06 2:41 pm | Permalink
I swear there actually IS a number you can call this time of year, and there’s a pre-recorded message from Santa telling them to be good. I’ll have to ask my kids.
By Anne Glamore on 12.12.06 3:34 pm | Permalink
I did that once, the threatening to call Santa. Christopher called me on it and I had to call my dad, hoping he’d get it when I said, “Hi! Santa! It’s Christopher’s mom, and he’s not being very nice today! I don’t want him on the naughty list, so could you talk to him, please?” Thank heavens, he DID get it, and played along REALLY well. Christopher totally shaped up.
Want my dad’s number?
By Candace on 12.12.06 4:47 pm | Permalink
I totally tell my kids the same thing. I have told them that for years.
Because it is true. Of course.
By Jenorama on 12.12.06 5:12 pm | Permalink
that is rich.
Thanks for sharing your frustration.
By MamaChristy on 12.12.06 5:57 pm | Permalink
I did call Santa (hubby) the other night when my boys wouldn’t stay in bed and went into my kitchen, got the pepper and salt grinders and ground them all over my carpet. the boys now are very concerned whether they are on the naughty list and want to go back to the mall and discuss it with him.
I am going to remember the nurse/ number bit, I am sure that question is coming soon.
By boogiemum on 12.12.06 7:18 pm | Permalink
Okay searched online.
973.403.6899
Monday, December 18th & Tuesday, December 19th
Children can call Santa and share their Holiday requests with him between the hours of
3:00pm and 4:30pm (either day)
By sarcastic journalist on 12.12.06 9:29 pm | Permalink
I bet someone could totally make some serious moula by having a number parents dial to talk to Santa. If the kids insist on hearing the conversation about why there should be no presents, the child could listen on speaker phone.
By Mamacita Tina on 12.12.06 11:10 pm | Permalink
That was so darn adorable. Thank you for sharing.
By Roola Lenska on 12.13.06 4:49 am | Permalink
I stole your idea of calling Santa and used it on my mischevious 3 year old last night, thanks!
By Amy W on 12.13.06 6:43 am | Permalink
When my 4 year old got her Santa letter adn it said he’d been in touch with me, I gained HUGE credibility. You can’t buy that kind of influence for a million dollars.
By scribbit on 12.13.06 9:57 am | Permalink
Next time they ask just start to give them the number and then–oops!–catch yourself!
By Patti (Mazy) on 12.13.06 12:39 pm | Permalink
Once when Husband was out of town and the kids would.not.go.to.bed! I called my brother and he pretended to be Santa. My kids have never booked it to their beds so fast! I swear Max actually caught air. When Santa asked to talk to them (which he totally would have b/c my brother is awesome like that) the kids refused and closed their eyes and pulled the covers over their heads. That week I took them to see Santa and that picture is priceless. Deer in headlights, I tell ya. Good times.
By Chilihead2 on 12.13.06 2:26 pm | Permalink
Oh yeah, that was some quick thinking! In my house, I have all the phone numbers memorized, so they totally believe. Doesn’t hurt that my stepdad looks like Santa…(evil grin).
By mamalang on 12.14.06 8:05 am | Permalink
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