Friday Playdate » Blog Archive » I’ll bet Hawk Girl is good at freeze tag

I’ll bet Hawk Girl is good at freeze tag

Filed Under everything else on October 21, 2005

Charlie has been painting lately, which has been a lot of fun, at least until the clean-up part comes along. Our kitchen table is piled high with his masterpieces, which are all green as we only have blue, yellow, and green paint just now. He uses rollers and brushes and stamps and tells elaborate stories about each picture.

Henry, on the other hand, will come in, INSIST on painting (because Charlie is painting), take three swipes at the paper, and then say, ‘I’m all done. Can we play dragon hunter?’ It drives me crazy.

Anyway, I’ve spent a LOT of time this week cleaning up painting supplies, which is honestly a pain in the ass, and it has given me time to think about What Kind Of Mommy I Thought I Would Be. Certainly not the mommy who says, ‘Are you SURE you want to paint? Because I JUST washed all the rollers.’

I thought I would be the cool mommy, the one who loves to fingerpaint and who always has all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies and who plays tag at the park and orchestrates elaborate sketches to be performed for Daddy after dinner (okay, maybe not that last one). I would take my kids to the library and the museum (and they would behave! and not run away! or yell! or try to climb on the dinosaur skeleton!); I would plant a garden with them. I would have endless fun things planned for every day, and even when we were winging it, we would always be able to find exciting things to do. Because that’s what mommies do. Most of all, though, I expected to love being the mommy.

I do love my children, you all know that, but on a lot of days, I don’t love being the mommy. And oddly, it’s not the ill-timed potty accidents or the epic meltdowns that wear me out; it’s the FUN stuff. Painting. Playdough. Freeze tag. All those things that I was so sure would be fun fun fun are just exhausting.

Oh, sure, some of it is my kids–Henry would wear anyone out, with his constant motion and talking, and Charlie spends most of his day saying either, ‘Play with me! PLAY WITH ME!’ or ‘No! Go away! I will do it MYSELF!’ which is confusing, to say the least. But for the most part, I think, it’s me. I’m not five, or three, I’m 37, and sometimes–for a while every day–I want to do what 37 year old adults do: have a conversation that does NOT involve listing anyone’s superpowers. Wear pants that I cannot sit in the sand in. Read a book without pictures. Eat a meal without being kicked, or having to get up twenty seven times for milk, ketchup, more napkins. Write without interruption.

What I did not forsee when I imagined the kind of mommy I would be was that I would not want to stop being the person I was before to become the mommy. I was never someone who had all the ingredients for cookies just lying around–I don’t know what made me think that I suddenly would be, just because I had a baby. But oddly, realizing that the hard part of this mommy thing comes not from my kids and their hoodlum ways but from my own conflict about who I am and what that means has made me feel more peaceful. I am a good mom. I am a good mom BECAUSE of who I am. And no, I’m not the cool mom who bakes, but I have other things going for me.

Yesterday, after rest time, the boys and I were sitting on the sofa together. Charlie crawled into my lap and said, in his pretend pitiful voice, ‘Hold me, Mama!’ So I snuggled him up like I did when he was a baby and started to kiss and tickle him. ‘Hello, squawky baby,’ I said. He laughed and made some pretend crying noises. Henry came and patted him and gently tickled him and said, ‘Squawky Charlie!’ Then Henry wanted to be the baby, so they changed places, and pretty soon they were both on top of me, saying ‘Waa! Waa! I’m a squawky baby!’, and we were all laughing.

Because that’s the kind of mommy I am. I am the mommy who plays Squawky Baby.

23 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Your a cool mom, have no fear.

I loved this post! Everyone has to make the adjustment from fantasy to reality; many mothers then end up pining for the fantasy and feeling inadequate because their reality is something different. Which is, as you point out so well, not the way to look at it. If we each parent out of who we truly are - the person who may not habitually keep cookie-baking supplies in their cupboards - instead of someone we “should” be, we’ll be much happier - and a better parent!

You are a great mom!

I definitely thought I would be a different mother. I thought I would have much more patience than I do. I was actually pulling it off for awhile, but it was because Ella was a dream baby. She completely changed demeanor just before turning two. Add another kid to the mix and, well, that’s why I blog!

HEY!!! I’m in a rush, so I’ll read this later, but what the heck are you doing writing so early??? It’s only 9 a.m., and you’ve not only posted, but you have comments already!! What time do you all get up?!!?!?!

You are SUCH a good mommy.

I have a good email for you.

That is so great that they still want to play squawky baby. I dread the day that my boy is too big for that kind of thing. It’s amazing how you have one idea of what it will be like to be a mom and then it’s completely different. The good news is that it isn’t only different than what I excepted, it’s WAY better (even on the bad days!).

SO not Martha - why are we up so early? it has an easy answer: kids!

Oh, I felt this to my core. You are only a couple of years away from more independence. Hang in there!

Katy, I get up at 5:00 every morning to read the paper and write and drink coffee (while it’s still hot!). The boys usually get up between 6:30 and 7:00, so I can get some ‘quiet time’ and a shower before the chaos of my day really starts. That hour or so alone each morning is the only thing standing between me and a complete mental breakdown.

Because while I may not be the cool mommy, I am the Mommy Who Is Always On The Verge Of Competely And Permanently Losing It.

Maybe THAT should be the new subtitle for this site.

Reminds me of a story I read or something like that where a little girl referred to one grandmother as her baking grandma and the other as her shopping grandma.

Children won’t turn us into the people we want to be overnight, but they will turn us into the people we need to be.

Oh, I forgot.

You are such a good mommy, Hot Girl.

I once had to explain to another Mommy about the “Pretend I am a Baby Kitten so you can wash my hair” game.

She so didn’t get it, but you do!

Oh, Dawn, I do! I so do!

Are any of us the Mommies we thought we would be? I mean, my career is TEACHING young children. I know all sorts of things to do with young children, I know all the right things to say and do. Yet at the end of the day, I find the FUN things exhausting, just as you do. I thought I would do all the neat things you described, and while I do a lot of those things, I don’t do them with the attitude I thought I would. But then, my kid gets to see us have water fights in the bathroom, and he has a good sense of humor, so I guess we’re doing something right. And your kids like to play with you, so you must be doing something right too…. :):)

i LOVE that you play Squawky Baby with the kids! i relate to so much of this post! i had a ball reading it. it’s true; you ARE a great mom!

Soooo….I know I’m sort of hammering the joke into the ground, but maybe next time Henry and Charlie want you to be Hawk Girl, you could be Squawk Girl instead?

And they could be the Squawk Babies?

I’m with you! I’ll get up at the crack of dawn just to have some alone time…nobody crawling on me, nobody sucking on me….just me and my coffee. I’ve got an aunt who’s a principal at a school in Tuscon. She gets up at 4 am. I used to think she was nuts, until I had kids of my own. Now I get it.

Being a mommy is exhausting. Being a “cool mommy” is reserved for special occasions.

My secret: Sometimes I hide my child’s books because I can’t stand the thought of reading “baby einstein” one more time.

This is a great post! You are one of the most wonderful moms I know. Charlie and Henry are very lucky!
I completely relate to all that was said here. This mommy career is very challenging, even when it involves fingerpainting and playdough.

Okay, I finally had two seconds to sit down and read this post. I have he same conflict— we all do. I always feel guilty when ALex says, “Will you play with me?” and I don’t want to, because I’m feeding the babies, or taking ten minutes to wake up with coffee, etc. I’m an OT, so I always assumed I’d have crafty kids with excellent fine motor skills. The other day I noticed ALex can’t string beads. Or copy any shape but a circle. I just don’t like to sit down and do those things right now. Technically, I’m a disgrace to my profession. But I am who I am, and because of that, Alex is developing my odd sense of humor, love of books and zest for anything that has to do with running, jumping, etc. I am who I am, and knowing that we’re all feeling this way, I’ll stop with the “I should be doing (insert educational activity here)”

What has surprised me the most about this mommy thing is not so much that I dislike the fun kid things (really, I don’t–I like to squish playdough as much as any three-year-old) but how much I MISS the grown-up things. I used to read the ENTIRE New York Times EVERY DAY–now I skim the Style section on-line once a week. And it’s been hard to let that go.

The past few months have also been particularly kid-centered, as we have been trying to manage Henry’s ADHD without medication, which means that I need to be PRESENT (not just in the room but actively engaged with him) nearly all the time. So squishing playdough turns into teaching social skills and small motor skills and . . . whew. In theory, it IS fun, and I think the boys have a good time, but it makes my head tired.

This is turning into an entirely new post, isn’t it? Maybe I should stop and go bake some cookies. Oh, right, I can’t–I don’t have any eggs. Ha ha ha.

I totally relate to this. I spent 7 years studying Painting in a really cool Art School and have been earning a living from painting for some years now BUT my 2 and a half year old daughter has only done some painting a few times at playgroup. Yeah I take her to the Museum every week to look at the dinosaurs and butterflies and let her run wide in the huge landscaped local park and climb the biggest slides and jump in puddles BUT I don’t ever have days were I encourage her to do “arty” things…I always think maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe when I buy her a smock…but it’s my laziness getting in the way because I can’t stand the big clean up after she’s been painting or baking. I had ALWAYS thought I be a totally cool and arty mum because I used to think I was arty and cool BUT I aint NO cool mum in my head!!!!
gotta change, gotta change, maybe tomorrow, YEAH, maybe tomorrow…aagh sugar, who am I kidding?

This sounds totally selfish, but I, too, feel like I spend all of every day focused on everyone but me. So if that means I don’t feel like cleaning up paint mess or flour spills, then dammit, I’m not going to.

ooooh, that sounds soooo wrong. Like a self-centered 14 year old in a 33 year old’s body.

Here is the funny thing, though–before we were parents, when we had jobs or school or whatever came in the past, we were always encouraged (by the media and our friends and spouses and parents) to take time FOR OURSELVES. Wade and I have both laughed about doctor’s office questionnaires that ask about hobbies. Who has time for a HOBBY? I have KIDS.

But that time away from ‘work’ (and I know, this isn’t ‘work’ in that sense, it is my life, which only makes it more complicated) is so crucial to doing the job well. I taught in a boarding school for two years, after college, and after the first year, I demanded to move out of the dorms and off campus, because there was NEVER any break from the work. Students were pounding on my door at midnight and at 6:00 am, every night and all weekend, whether I was on-duty or not. And in the end, I hated that job, for no good reason except that it became my whole life.

So now I have these people that I grew inside me and that I love more than live itself, and like Katy, I feel painfully selfish for NOT wanting to play freeze tag or read Hop On Pop AGAIN. But there it is–I’m the selfish mommy.

Whoo. Time to go to the park and play freeze tag. And then paint! Always with the painting . . .

RSS feed for comments on this post.

TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

Content

Categories

Admin