This afternoon, just as I was wrapping up my work day and thinking about possibly getting ahead by doing a few things from TOMORROW’S to do list, the tornado sirens started going off.  I am not originally from Oklahoma, and tornadoes are not part of my cultural heritage.  There is quite literally nothing I hate more than those damn sirens; even the test runs on Saturdays make me nervous.

My kids, on the other hand, aren’t scared at all — they will actually RUN TO THE WINDOWS when they hear the sirens, to see what’s going on.  Holy hell.

Wade always reminds me that the local meteorologists can track the tornadoes, by neighborhood, down to the minute — and he’s right.  We flip the television on and watch to see what time the funnel cloud is going to decimate our development.  It’s fun!

Okay no it’s not.

Today, though, I was home alone, with no kids to compel me to pull myself together and no Wade to talk me down.  I called Wade’s office, for moral support, but got his secretary, who very nicely volunteered that he was in a meeting, and offered to pull him out to talk to me.  Since I am pretty sure that dragging your husband out of a meeting because there are TORNADO SIRENS GOING OFF AND YOU ARE FREAKING OUT! is legitimate grounds for divorce in Oklahoma, I declined.

And then I had to figure out what exactly to do.  Hide in the bathroom, or make a run for the kids’ school?  Aaaah so hard to chooooooose!

I went to school.

The tornado missed my house and my neighborhood and my boys’ school; I spent an hour hanging out in a hallway with Henry and his class, while Charlie was lounging in a bathroom stall (eeew).  We’re all fine, and the kids weren’t even scared.

Only I get scared.  Because I’m the girl.

Which brings me to my five things I am greatful for today …

1. The carpool line moms who laughed at my jokes about how I came to school early because I wanted to “die with my baybeees!”  Really I went to the school because the tornado was tracking RIGHT FOR MY HOUSE.  I’m not stupid; I’ll go where it’s safe.

2. My neighbor, who said, “You’re going to hate me for this, but I’m hoping that the storm takes out the fence between our houses.”  No, I told her, I wouldn’t hate her; in fact, I was hoping the same thing.  Although I was also hoping it would take out the fence on the OTHER side, because that’s the one that REALLY needs to be replaced.

3. My husband, who announced to everyone in his office, “Okay everyone hope that a HORRIBLE HAIL STORM destroys our roof!  And takes out the fences!”  He and my neighbor should get together I think.

4. The kids at my children’s school, who were hunkered down in an interior hallway, biding their time during the tornado emergency, singing “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.”  Until they stopped singing it and started more YELLING it, at which point I really wanted a drink.

5. Heather, who called Chris to see if I was okay after I didn’t respond to her text message (see above, kids singing hymns – hard to hear the text message arrive over the yelling singing).

On my hit list today is AT&T and their craptastic service (you heard me, AT&T!) — every single time there’s a tornado emergency, I lose my phone and internet connections and can only send text messages, which means that while I canNOT communicate with my husband, I CAN update Twitter and text Chris.

Today I warned Wade that the next time there was any sort of tornado event, I was going to text Chris and ask her to call him.  From her house.  Which is hundreds of miles away from me and my tornadoes.