Friday Playdate » Blog Archive » an open letter to Charlie’s teachers

Dear Ms. D and Ms. S,

Here are the mini-sandwiches for today’s Thanksgiving Feast. Charlie is very excited about the feast, although he has told me no fewer than TEN TIMES that he will not eat these sandwiches. This is fine with me.

I was a little baffled by your request that I send ‘mini-sandwiches’, as I am not sure what precisely constitutes a ‘mini-sandwich’ or why you would ask for such, especially as I don’t typically make the ‘mini’ variety of sandwich for my own children. I can’t really imagine you were hoping for some nice prosciutto on cocktail rye, as that seemed a little frivolous for three and four-year-olds and I assume you will not actually be serving any cocktails, yes? So I opted for turkey and ham and Meunster cheese on a nice wheat bread. As for the ‘mini’ part, I just made normal sandwiches and cut them into quarters. See–mini! But I’m still not sure Charlie or anyone else his age will be eating them.

And yes, I realize that I could have bought a turkey or cornucopia cookie cutter and made the sandwiches into lovely crustless shapes, which would have been very very cute and festive, but really I am just swamped right now (I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping and I have a long list of family commitments to mangle out of this week). And I should have had these catered, especially since I spent nearly as much on the bread and meat and cheese as it would have cost to have the grocery store deli make a sandwich tray, you know, with the little cocktail bread, but it didn’t occur to me in time. I’m not very good with this whole sandwich thing–Charlie ususally brings a tortilla and a cheese stick in his lunch–is that why you asked me to bring sandwiches? To see if I really knew how to make one? Is that it?

Truth be told, I am a little peeved that I was assigned the mini-sandwiches (which were, after all, a bit of a hassle, what with the arranging and cutting and did I mention that NO ONE WILL EAT THESE?) when the mommy of the child who has the cubby next to Charlie’s was assigned to bring DOUGHNUTS for god’s sake, all she has to do is drive through at the Krispy Kreme and voila! while I had to actually MAKE THE SANDWICHES which took, goodness, a whole ten minutes. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to do it, but still, couldn’t I have brought the doughnuts? Preschoolers LOVE doughnuts, they love mommies who bring doughnuts–but mini-sandwiches? Not so much.

Anyway, it’s very nice of you to do this, and Charlie is really looking forward to it, especially the doughnuts, which is probably why he won’t be eating any sandwiches. And I hope you all know that on my list of Things I Am Thankful For, you are right there in the Top Ten, because you are so wonderful to my little Froggie. Enjoy the sandwiches, because I’m not bringing them home again, and have a very Happy Thanksgiving! And, if it’s possible, could you save me a doughnut?

Sincerely, Charlie’s Mommy

14 Comments so far

Oh my gosh, I’m laughing so hard right now!! That was hilarious!

Very funny, and definitely true to life. Thanks for the morning laugh.

you crack me up.
i stayed up one night making sugar free mini apple turnovers. the kids liked the donuts better.

word verification: uyzwhinb
you, why zee whine? b?

I can’t believe they were actually anal enough to specify “mini” sandwiches. Hilarious!

Crackin’ me up you are!

Now back to the irish whiskey - as my word verification today is:

jugwu or “gimmme da jug wu!!”

For the Halloween party, we were assigned cookies. An easy enough task you’d think. However, in the boychild’s class there is a child who has a brother who has a peanut allergy. A nasty, nasty thing with all that Anaphylactic Shock and all. Anyway, do you have any idea how hard it is to find cookies without peanuts, peanut oil, peanut butter or made in a kitchen that uses those things? We called all over town trying to find some nice, pretty, halloween cookies with pumpkin faces or scary ghost without that nasty side effect. In the end we bought some pre-packaged cookies at the local Homeland and called it done. I’m sure the kids didn’t know the difference but I was certainly disappointed.

How ’bout White Castle? Those are mini sandwiches. And they have a drive-thru. I’m sure the teacher would have been, um, thrilled.

I’m sure the sandiches went right from your hands into the teacher’s lounge. Don’t be fooled into thinking they were actually for the KIDS, my friend.

Which mommy was assigned the spinach/artichoke dip?

Many thanks to you for a good laugh on a Monday. Yes—do NOT take those sandwiches back home! On second thought, maybe do–serve them to the relatives tomorrow!

Bitches, man.

Or at least assign me to bring juice or pop! Doughnuts? Puhleaze.

Oh, God! You made me laugh out loud with that one. Well done and please be sure to save a doughnut for me.

By the way, I love So Not Martha advice about White Castle. Mini sandwitch/mini burger, who knows the difference.

At Daria’s school we get to pick what we bring - which is nice because I always bring the baked goods. What kind of Thanksgiving feast are they having at Charlie’s school - mini sandwiches? donuts?
Daria’s class was just making a fruit salad and each kid had to bring one piece of fruit. We brought a green apple. I like that they keep it simple.

Very funny post.

I guess you can’t really bust the teacher until she starts requesting port wine cheese balls and chicken satays. I think I will be saving your letter and using it as a template for future “luncheons” when I have to bring more than condiments and napkins.

You summed it up perfectly.

Thanks for the great laugh!

Too funny. I was the dumb mommy who cut the mini sandwiches into turkey shapes in hopes the kids would eat them instead of the sweet treats. All but the one my son ate because I made him promise came back home with me…

Love your blog. Thanks for the laughs.

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