1. My stylist is on medical leave so someone else cut it this time. For more money, I got less haircut. Or less of a haircut than I wanted. Or less something.

2. It is POSSIBLE that the cut is fine, but since I am out of texturizer stuff I just can’t TELL that it is fine because my HAIR is so fine that without the texturizer stuff it just lies there. Lays there? Looks like crap.

3. It is also possible that the good people at Suave changed not only the PACKAGING on my (dirt cheap) shampoo but also the FORMULA, to make it more MOISTURIZING, in which case it wouldn’t matter if I had a GREAT cut AND the texturizing stuff, my hair would STILL look like crap.

4. I opted not to have my hair colored on this go round, because my stylist is out on sick leave (see #1) and I didn’t want a random stylist COLORING MY HAIR (again, see #1). And because it’s been raining nonstop here for TWO WEEKS, I haven’t been in the sun at all, and we all KNOW that I am NEVER coloring my hair myself EVER AGAIN SO HELP ME GOD, so I am living with what I like to refer to as my Natural Color, which, in combination with my almost unbelieveably small bra size, is absolute proof that God has a mean, mean sense of humor.

5. The humidity here is hovering somewhere around 469%, or just enough to make all those other things completely irrelevant, because how can ANYONE have a good hair day with ALL THIS RAIN?

6. We are out of chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know what the connection is either, but while we had chocolate chip cookies in the house, the hair was not so bad. The kids finished them off at lunch, and it’s been all downhill since then.

I’m going out to get texturizer stuff, new shampoo, and cookies. Wish me luck.