Do you know what’s even BETTER than having contractors in my house making a giant mess and moving all my furniture around? DO YOU KNOW?!?

Having the tornado sirens go off today while the painters were here! Right after they painted the trim in the bathroom we use as our shelter!

Hot damn! It was like a party! But without the booze!

I was chatting with Chris this afternoon when the weather started to turn, and I told her that I would liveblog the tornado just for her. I would have, too, except that my router was temporarily knocked out by a lightening strike, and there was no actual tornado, at least not at my house. But I had every intention of keeping her in the loop while my house was being demolished. Last night, I regaled her with stories about how I took my contacts out and left them on the sofa (Chris: why would you DO that? me: because my eyes hurt and I am laaaazy) and how Wade was making me watch a show about the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders (Chris: why would he DO that? me: because his penis is in charge of the remote). She really wants to be my next door neighbor now.

When the sirens started going off, I shuffled the boys into the bathroom (me: GET IN THE BATHROOM NOW! GO GO GO! Charlie: But we don’t have our shoes! me: I DON’T CARE! GO GO GO!) and told them that if they touched the wet paint, I would kill them (oh, I didn’t say that EXACTLY, but that was the idea). I left them huddling next to the toilet trying not to touch the baseboards while I went to watch the news and find out how long we all had to live.

Chris said, Where were the painters?

Out in the yard, I told her, looking for the funnel cloud. Because that’s what we do in Oklahoma. Well, I don’t, I cower in the bathroom with my cell phone and a bicycle helmet. Whatever.

I also told Chris that we’re supposed to have Spam in our tornado emergency kits and we decided that we would both rather die in the tornado than eat the Spam. Because you have to make choices.

So I have the kids in the bathroom and I’ve taken down the 400 pound Pottery Barn mirror over the sink and I realize that not only can I NOT close the laundry room door (wet paint) but that the garage doors, all of them–interior AND exterior–are wide open, as is the BACK door. If the tornado comes, my children will be sucked right out of their Safe Place and hurled across the neighborhood.

About then I started to need a drink.

The tornado missed us, the paint was undinged, and I waited until after the painters left to open my wine, because that seemed like the right thing to do. And now Chris is pinging me on the IM again, probably to find out what thrilling thing I’m up to tonight. Stay tuned–maybe I will liveblog THAT for you all later.