Today is the only day this week that I don’t have some kind of appointment that requires showering and dressing in clean clothes and leaving the house. So of course, today was the day I would paint the bathrooms!

Or at least prep and prime them.

Or maybe just prep them.

Or perhaps just swear a lot.

I figured that the easy place to start would be with the master bath, which is so small that Wade and I can’t be in it at the same time without someone taking an elbow to the head (me) or the groin (Wade) (height difference, see). Most of the wall space is covered in tile or cabinets (I’m paying someone to paint those because woodwork! aaaahhh!) so I really would just have this one wee space to paint.

Except.

The teeny weeny strip of wall, at the corner, next to the medicine chest, has to be painted. I have no idea how to do that. Suggestions?

Also, the light fixture really REALLY should be taken down. Again, no idea how to do that.

Solution: I’ll let the professional do it! What the hell. Too bad I didn’t decide that until AFTER I had taped all the tile off. Argh.

So then I figured, okay! On to the boys’ bathroom! After a break, of course. (Kidding! Just kidding! Especially if you are my husband and you’re wondering what the hell I do all day!)

The boys’ bathroom is also mostly tile (good!) but because it is bigger there is more paintable wall (bad). There were also some holes in the wall that needed to be filled (meh, not really good or bad). So I got right on that, and while I was standing on the toilet filling the no less than two dozen tiny nail holes (how many pictures WERE hung in here?) I realized that there were some cobwebs on the walls. And some other stuff, too, that I still can’t identify and don’t want to think too hard about.

Because seriously, what COULD that be on the wall over the toilet? Oh dear god.

So I patch and I sand and I wipe the walls down and I take down the shower curtain rod and the mini blind and I start taping and I think, “I can TOTALLY get this primed before the boys come home!”

Except that the primer is oil-based, and I’m not doing that.

I take another break (no, not really!) and drive to Sherwin Williams where a very bitchin’ paint guy with LOTS of hair gel and a pair of sunglasses artfully perched on his head and a fleece pullover on OVER his required Sherwin Williams uniform shirt helps me find a LATEX primer for the bathroom (on sale, even!) and then I drive home and eat some lunch and then I realize that by the time I track down the paint brushes and roller and trays and drop cloths and get everything set up in the bathroom, it will be time to go get the kids.

Dammit.

Fortunately, this primer appears not to be entirely composed of toxic chemicals, unlike the Kilz primer which will KILL YOU if your house isn’t properly ventilated (which this bathroom totally isn’t) so I’m thinking I can do the priming tonight after the boys are in bed. And then tomorrow I can start the actual painting.

And then we can SELL THE HOUSE. The end.