My brain is tired from all this thinking. So let’s talk about my kids. And shoes! And movies!

Doesn’t that sound like fun?

tantrum free since 8:00 am!

Charlie has had a hard week. No, not because he was sick, although it was nice of you all to feel so bad for him. No, he learned this week that it’s tough to have a major screaming meltdown EVERY SINGLE DAY for an ENTIRE WEEK. The first one was clearly sickness related–okay, so were the two on Tuesday. But the one Wednesday morning? When he sat on the potty, buck nekkid, for FORTY FIVE MINUTES, crying the ENTIRE time, because I wouldn’t sit with him while he peed? I don’t know what that was all about.

That particular morning was the low point for the week. Charlie spent so much time crying about how I wouldn’t keep him company in the bathroom that he never got dressed and ended up wearing only his Firefighter undies to take Henry to school. I thought about stopping at Starbucks any way, I really did, but that seemed a little . . . well, wrong. Fortunately we are having unseasonably warm weather here in OKC, so at least I wasn’t risking frostbite. Although I probably would have stuffed him in the car in his underwear anyway after all that screaming.

The best part, though, was his contrition on the way home. He said, very sweetly, ‘Can I watch Sesame Street when we get home?’

‘Buddy, Sesame Street is over.’

‘Why didn’t I watch it?’

‘You were in the bathroom crying.’

‘Oh–why did I do that?’

The boy is clearly out to get me.

We stayed at home for THE ENTIRE DAY, because maybe, just MAYBE he was still sick (no, no, not sick! just insane) and he managed to have TWO MORE catastrophic tantrums, both also stemming from my refusal to entertain him while he did his business. I have no idea what that’s all about; a week ago, he would get up and go into the bathroom, pee, wash up, and return to whatever we were playing to announce, ‘I went pee pee! Smell my hands!’ (We have scented hand soap, which we use to verify that the soap bubbles have actually TOUCHED the boys’ hands. Don’t think too hard about that.)

This morning, SAME THING. But today, because I am morally CERTAIN that he isn’t sick and I know for a fact that his tush is too chubby to fall into the toilet, I ignored him. And eventually, he stopped crying, washed his hands, and got dressed. And that was that.

Still. He has no idea how close I came to listing him on eBay.

feed the boy much?

In other Charlie news, we are once again reeling at the amount of food that child can pack in. He went nearly four days this week without eating anything of note, because of the stomach virus, but today he’s back in the saddle. By 10:30 this morning, he had eaten the following:

two Eggo Nutrigrain waffles
two bowls of Cracklin Oat Bran, with milk
two cups of milk
a bagel (one of those HUGE ones you get at the Barnes and Noble)
half of a blueberry scone

After all that, he was eyeing his friend Cate’s coffee cake; I was waiting for him to say, ‘You gonna eat that?’ (She didn’t, preferring instead to eat the pat of butter that came with it. Mmm, delicious.)

I think his stomach is all better.

today, Hop on Pop–tomorrow, Moby Dick

Henry has started reading! Yes, just like that! A year or so ago, he had a passing interest in learning to read, but he quickly tired of the work (ah, just like his mommy). This was also before he got his glasses, which he wears because he is FARSIGHTED, meaning he can’t see ANYTHING up close–seriously, he’s a PLUS EIGHT in both eyes, which is just stunning. So the whole reading thing, on the first pass at least, was kind of a bust.

But now he has decided that he wants to learn to read, and while I would love to throw the credit to J. K. Rowling and her magnificent juvenile novels, I really have Leslie to thank. She has been working with Luke and has set up a Gold Star Reward system to keep him motivated. Of course, once Henry heard about this and realized that there was a trip to SuperTarget at the end of the Reading Rainbow, he was right there and ready to learn. Because yes, my son absolutely CAN be bought. Just like his mommy.

The problem, though, was that he has memorized almost every single book we own. I’m not exaggerating–his rote memorization skills test out above the 99th percentile. It’s freaky. So when I was trying to have him pick out words in stories he knew, he was able to look at the pictures and think through the text and guess. Accurately. Nearly all the time. And then he would say, ‘Can we go to Target and get a prize now?’

Fortunately, Leslie had told me about this website, which is fantastic. Henry sat and did the first few phonics exercises and then read two whole stories! Correctly! Without any help from me! Our deal is this: for every three stories he reads, he gets five gold stars; when he has earned fifteen gold stars, he can pick out a toy ($10.00 or less, please!) at SuperTarget.

I think we will be going toy shopping tomorrow. Which is good! Really!

does this website make my butt look big?

Thanks to everyone who took the time to ooh and ahh over my (hypothetical) new shoes. Holly asked if it was already warm enough here for espadrilles, and the answer is–well, almost. Our temperatures are hanging in the 60s, which is freaky and a little frightening because it means that we will either be up to our asses in snow come March or it will be 110 degrees here all summer. But at least I will have cute shoes!

Speaking of my ass, I decided to try on some of my spring/summer clothes the other night. And, just like the last time I got this urge, I am unable to ZIP ANYTHING. Dammit. But this time, I know who to blame.

Blogger.

Seriously–before this blog, I was able to zip things. And now? Oh, sure, I have all you nice people to tell me how cute my shoes are, but I can’t get any of my pants on! And no, I don’t think it’s because of all the Hershy kisses I eat while I’m writing or reading your blogs. Or all the wine. I think it’s Blogger! Blogger made me fat.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

when geeks go to the movies

This weekend marks the opening of the film adaptation of Laurence Sterne’s Tristram Shandy. What, you don’t have your tickets already? Sheesh.

Wade and I are English literature wonks, and we’re dying to see this movie, although it probably won’t be in OKC for a while (and I would imagine we won’t really need to stand in line to get in). I want to see it solely beause ‘one of the characters describes the original as “a masterwork of postmodernism before there was any modernism to be post.”‘ Don’t you LOVE that?

Well, I do. So there.

Have a nice weekend!