I’ve been zipping around the Internet recently, making snappy comments about ‘good’ mommies, but I hate to be glib about the whole notion of ‘good’ parenting (which is always posed as the opposite of what most of us are doing every day), and so I wanted to write something smart and eloquent about being a real mommy, and about how most of us are, nearly always, good mommies even when we choose different parenting paths and styles.

Instead, I’m going to tell you about My Day So Far, which may get us to the same place.

7:00 am: Boys awake and snuggly and charming; playing nicely together before breakfast.

7:30: Husband leaves for work amid usual breakfast chaos.

7:33: Husband calls from car to ask if I remember that we have an appointment with the psychologist tomorrow morning. Which I don’t. Or if I have a babysitter lined up. Which I don’t. Swear under breath.

7:37: Frantically e-mail girlfriend to ask if kids can play at her house for an hour, as my babysitter is out of town this week.

7:50: Shuffle children off to get dressed; take off my pjs and search through virtually empty closet for something clean-ish to wear.

7:52: Hear Henry tell Charlie to ‘give me Green Lantern or I will punch you with Flash!’ Throw on bathrobe, as the boys are in a room with ALL THE BLINDS OPEN, and intervene.

7:53-8:01: Talk Henry through tantrum. Leave him to have quiet time. Tell Charlie to get dressed.

8:03: Hear Henry AGAIN threaten to hit Charlie. Put bathrobe back on. Send Charlie to his room to GET DRESSED FOR GOD’S SAKE and talk Henry through second tantrum.

8:17: Henry calmed down, Charlie dressed. Put on first clothes I find (pants that are too tight; bra that is too big; polo shirt I hate).

8:30: Turn on Charlie and Lola. Sort laundry while watching TV with kids. Start load of laundry. Think about cleaning up kitchen. Hear Henry announce, ‘We’re all done with TV! Let’s go to the park!’

9:07: Starbucks. Praise god.

9:30: Play at sandy park.

10:10: Henry announces that he has to pee (he peed at Starbucks forty minutes ago). Start to explain that we’re NOT going to pee on a tree (too many other people at the park) but that we CAN go back to Starbucks and then come BACK to the park. Get as far as ‘Not going to pee in the park’ before Henry throws sand at me and hits my arm and starts screaming. Pack everyone up and head home.

10:16: Drive through at dry cleaners. Wait SEVEN MINUTES before employee notices car in drve through. Drop off clothes, and realize as I am driving away that I just left the skirt I was planning to wear to dinner on Saturday night with the laundry that won’t be ready until Monday after 5:00. Swear under breath.

10:33: Pull into driveway. Hear Henry announce, ‘Charlie, it’s not even close to lunchtime yet.’ Remember that the lawn was fertilzed yesterday but hasn’t been watered yet, so we cannot go outside. Tell the kids to go get their swimsuits on.

10:58: Schlep everyone to pool. Leslie calls; wants us to meet them for lunch at 11:30. Tell her, ‘No. I worked too damn hard to get to the pool.’ She understands.

12:28: Load everyone back in the car, after taking Henry to the potty THREE TIMES in ninty minutes (what the hell is that all about?). Drag them home, feed them lunch, read a story while they eat, and stick them in their rooms. Assure them that if I so much as HEAR their VOICES in the next hour, I will sell them to the gypsies.

12:59: Shower. Eat a Luna bar while the water heats up.

1:44: Sit at computer in my underwear because today is laundry day and my pants are in the dryer and muse about what it takes to be a good mommy.

Frankly, I got nothin’.